he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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