This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
