just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
