If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
