I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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