The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
