It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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