I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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