This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
