His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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