My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Less talking, more tequila
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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