today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
