What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
