I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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