that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
