his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
