I only kidnapped one of them. chill
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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