I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
