Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
