I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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