This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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