I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
