So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
