She's JV to your varsity
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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