what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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