if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
