I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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