I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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