people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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