so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
