woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
