everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
