Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
