Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
