i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
