Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Your dad touched me again.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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