I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
