YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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