miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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