I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
