Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
