I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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