You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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