Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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