Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
