as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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