dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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