My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
