So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
