I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
