if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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