I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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