It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
